I am Mesi.

Hungarian by roots, Romanian by soil,
an actress, a psychodrama practitioner,
PhD in Theatre and Performing Arts —
yet more than titles.

I am a mother. A wife. A sister. A friend. A collegue. A child. 

A multicultural freelancer — a free-swimmer as we say.

I was an actress once — fully —until tiredness crept in,
boredom sat beside me, disconnection whispered, leave.
I was twenty-eight. So I began researching creativity, spontaneity —the very things I felt missing in me.

I dove into a PhD. A psychodrama training, to mirror myself, to meet with me. I remembered —
this was why I started acting.

Meanwhile I became pregnant, I got married, I received great acting opportunities, I completed my PhD.

Yet inside, silence. Stillness.
A sense that something essential
was not breathing in me.

I became clever in theory — writing, speaking, analysing —
while forgetting to create. Forgetting to play.

I moved — far. From my roots, my family of origin,
friends, colleagues, the map of my old identity.
I crossed borders to hold my little family —
and somewhere there, I lost myself.

Depression came.
Identity fell apart. Grief — deep — sculpted me.
I forgot humour. Forgot laughter.
Mornings were mountains. Mother guilt — stones in the bones of my shoulders.

Then therapy. Training again. Facing the hurt —
letting it stay, letting it speak, learning it is not dangerous to feel.

Parenting myself and parenting my child. Two jobs at the same time.

Practicing loud crying. Practicing loud laughing. Wondering — do these things need to be practiced?
Apparently, yes.

Morning pages. Artist dates.
The Artist’s Way — once, then again —
to remind myself I am unrepeatable, one and only, here to show up — imperfect, with heavy thoughts, silly humor and shitty days alike.

And now — I hold sessions and workshops on artists’ well-being and self-care.

I hold my partner. I hold myself. I hold my child.

And I hold space for life.